About 4 years ago, 2 years after the death of my wife, I paid to see a counsellor. The reason was the super vivid dreams I was having, sometimes 3 a night which all followed the same pattern - I would be somewhere, had to get to somewhere else but never could and something small I initially carried got bigger and heavier.

There was one dream where I was on a fantastical roller coaster which shot into the sky, through clouds, through mountain tunnels, underwater. When the ride ended everyone would get off and leave by the exit. I could never find the exit so had to ride again and again.

Another I check into a hotel with one small piece of luggage and get told my room. The elevators not only don’t stop on my floor they go left and right. There are no stairs, just slides downwards. No-one will talk to me. The bag gets bigger and heavier and I cannot move on.

There are others I recall but the pattern was the same. I realised this was grief so paid to talk to the counsellor. We met a few times, chatted, the dreams stopped. All was good.

Last night they returned.

I was in Korea (I have no idea how that was, it just was). Massive concrete hotel. Beach one side, old town the other. I am walking around wearing shorts and I’m chewing gum (something I never do). The corridors are not straight, they slope up and down and around. Shops selling all sorts of foods and drink which are colourful but I can’t buy them. The piece of gum gets bigger and harder to chew. I end up trying to pull lumps out but it does nothing to help. I can see people on the beach and in the town but cannot get to them. Then I manage to get the chewing gum out and then somehow it sticks to a wool jumper that I was not wearing a moment ago.

(The dogs woke me up briefly)

The second dream I’m in a huge store that sells anything and everything except food/drink. I need a hammer, notebooks, various other things. I have no basket, no trolley. Each time I create a pile of what I want someone removes it when I try to find a trolley because I need a lot of stuff. No-one will help, no-one will talk to me yet they wander around happily shopping. It just went on and on.