Rez

On my About page, and on Mastodon, I have aphantasia noted. I’ll try and explain how this affects me.

Wikipedia : “.. is the inability to voluntarily visualize mental images.”

Growing up and well into adulthood I loved reading. Stephen King was a favourite but I read widely inc Tolkien, Pratchett. Going on holiday I’d take 8 paperbacks, read them all and buy more (which is how I discovered Arthur Golden’s Memoirs of a Geisha - fantastic book). I also loved films. At the time of my wife’s death we had over 800 DVD’s along with a heap of downloaded material.

Btw, I used to say King’s The Stand was his best book. It isn’t. It’s Firestarter and you need an imagination to read that.

The skill of a fiction writer is to give you the words so your mind can create the scene in your head, yes? Tolkien gives you a world, King a town, Pratchett the bizarre.

I had that ability until at some point I did not.

I still read, but only non-fiction. I find they stick to facts, timelines.

Anyway, non-fiction books just didn’t work any more. The words were flat, almost meaningless. I keep trying to read them but it’s pointless.

At about the same time, and maybe unrelated, films - such as The Hunt for Red October which was on TV last night - I couldn’t get into. I didn’t see a role, I saw a person speaking lines. In Red October I saw a Scot being a Russian, a Kiwi being a Russian, an Englishman being a Russian and an American being an American. Scripted TV became weird to watch to the point I do not now watch such stuff.

Back to my imagination, or lack of.

I asked Copilot to “Describe a quintessential English cottage”. The reply was long, but here is the first section:

Thatched Roof or Slate Tiles: The iconic thatched roof is a hallmark of traditional cottages, though slate is common in regions like the Lake District.

Stone or Brick Walls: Often built from local stone (like Cotswold limestone) or red brick, giving each cottage a regional character.

Climbing Roses & Ivy: The façade is often adorned with rambling roses, wisteria, or ivy, softening the structure and blending it into the landscape.

Small Paned Windows: Leaded glass windows with wooden frames, sometimes slightly uneven, add to the rustic charm.

Wooden Door with Iron Latch: A solid timber door, often painted in muted tones like sage green or duck egg blue, welcomes you in.

I cannot ‘see’ that. I know the words but there is no picture in my head. Nothing.

I have watched this video many dozens of times

yet if it plays and I cannot see it with my eyes, I cannot see it with my “mind’s eye”. The same goes for Pink Floyd’s The Wall, or Bohemian Rhapsody, the GirlTalk WalkAllDay video and every other video.

You could probably fall asleep to your favourite music track and in your mind you would replay the video. I just get a black screen.

Ask me to think of an apple and describe it - I’ll just tell you what I know an apple should be from experience. I cannot imagine it.

I don’t know why this happened, no head injuries. It’s taken something from me but it is what it is.